The Avocado House - Central Ave. (Chino, CA)

December 19th, 2015 - (Christy's Choice)

I double-dipped this weekend. I went out for brunch with Kat Covell on Sunday. We went to "Another Broken Egg Cafe", which I have already reviewed. We sat at the bar eating and drinking coffee for about two hours. The smoked salmon benedict is always good. As is the black-bean benedict. And a shout out to flying lips.

I went to a place on Saturday, however, that is not open on Sundays. Which is odd to me, because most everyone I know who has ever made BRUNCH a thing, has done it on a Sunday. If you go out in Boy's Town in Chicago, Sunday brunch is a marathon event that begins at 9:00am with food and mimosas, and ends around 7:30pm with you taking a taxi back home and wondering what happened to your shirt. But, no, this place does not do ANYTHING on Sundays. So I sucked it up again and did a Saturday brunch. Because it's worth it.

Have I mentioned my awesome friend Christy Stowell? Well, if I haven't, or if you missed it, let me tell you exactly how awesome I think she is: She is one of very few people in this world that I will drive almost an hour out of my way to simply have brunch with.

Also, the fact that we were going to The Avocado House didn't hurt matters.

The Avocado House - All the feeling of a small-town country house inn and diner, but all the quality of a farm-fresh, locally sourced restaurant. And none of the composting smells that come with something so hippie-dippy.

Christy and I discovered this place quite by accident when I visited back in May. We later found out that it is a featured brunch spot in many tourism booklets about southern California. It's even a place they highlight on Trip Adviser. It certainly lives up to its billing even before you get your food, as the breads that they sell at the front counter are top-notch.

That is not bread. That is a christmas mitten table marker. The bread is out of the frame next to it. Why? I couldn't tell you. But I assure you that the veggie bread is delicious.

The intimate dining area inside gives the sense of a mom-and-pop diner from the 1910's. The wood stoves may be for show, but they add to the ambiance of the room. There are two larger dining areas outside - one out front on the porch, and one out back on the... well, the back porch. Is that called something? I think that's called something. Is that the Veranda? No... I'm sure I'll get it.

Anyway, they come by to refill your coffee every twenty six seconds, which gives them just enough time to fill your cups twice before your food comes out. Seriously. Three minutes after we ordered, our food was in front of us. Made me wonder if they profile customers when they walk in, and just start making something even before they order.

That is a veggie omelet with country potatoes on the side. (Which Christy could only get halfway through.) Notice the SMOTHERING of avocado on the omelet. Their signature, I suppose. Christy commented that often the sides of an omelet are lackluster, as they do not contain a majority of the fillings. But the avocado house omelets are evenly filled, with enough cheese to hold it all together. Ah, cheese. The glue of foods. And my ribs.

I embraced my inner chubby kid and went for the spinach and artichoke omelet. (No bacon) I say inner fat kid because of the MASSIVE amount of cream cheese inside the omelet. Again, chalked full of the good stuff from center to corner.

We sat at this place inside and talked for hours. And as we talked, we noticed that the line outside just kept growing. Little kids made faces at us through the window next to our table, and I attempted to feed one of them a bottle of ketchup through the glass. In the time that it took that child to figure out that he couldn't actually touch the ketchup bottle through the window, five more families arrived and began waiting patiently in line for their turn at the deliciousness that this place has to offer. It was like the line outside the movie theater for Star Wars. It just kept growing.

And it is no surprise that this place is crammed full most every moment it is open. The cost is always low here, and I am never left with a square millimeter of open space in my stomach. Satisfaction is guaranteed, or you have no soul.

With Phillip "I Would Drive 500 Miles" Meyer, and Christy "I Would Fly 500 More" Stowell.

theavocadohouse.blogspot.com

Cafe de Olla - Victory Blvd. (Burbank)

December 12th, 2015 - (Phil's Choice)

Cafe de Olla - Cozy, calm and spicy food served by cozy, calm and mild people.

I brunched on Saturday. This coming Sunday is a work day for me. I've been thrust into the driver's seat of managing orders for an online retail company during the holidays, and we are getting slammed at work. I don't mind the overtime.

I brunched alone. Sometimes we need to brunch alone. I don't mind the brunch alone. A funny thing happens when you go to a restaurant alone: People act surprised, and have to hide mild shock. When I walked up to the hostess, for example, she looked around for the rest of my party.

Hostess: "First of your party? How many?"
Me: "Just me."
Hostess: (Puts on a fake smile) "Oh! ...just you?"
Me: (Real smile) "Yep. Just me."
Hostess: (Looks around for a moment, and spots a table for two) "You can... sit here, I suppose?" (Yes, this was said like a question)
Me: "Perfect."
Hostess: "Is that okay?"
Me: "Of course. Thank you."
Hostess: (Stops everything she's doing for a second and puts her hand on my shoulder) "If you need anything, just flag me down, okay?"
Me: (Confused smile) "Okay."

Perhaps she sensed that I was sad. I WAS reading a Sarah Kane play, so that may have trended my mood toward general desolation and despair. Perhaps she thought I was stood up. Or that I was lonely. Sure, a great many things are happening in my life, but at that moment in time, I was merely interested in having some of their coffee and an omelet. But most people would never think to go out and eat alone, or see a movie alone, or walk through an art gallery alone. Their need to contextualize my solitariness, it would seem, made it difficult for them to simply accept the fact that I made the choice to eat by myself.

However, once I ordered all pretenses of my inner turmoil evaporated from the wait-staff, and they went into serving mode. Very friendly and quick, and unobtrusive. Ready to pour a cup of their signature coffee. In Mexico, "Cafe de Olla" is a traditional way to serve coffee - slowly boiled with sugar, cinnamon and an orange peel. It was a little too sweet for me, which the wait-staff could actually see in the way that I drank it, and offered to cut the sweetness with a little regular coffee. I found that, for myself, a 50/50 mix was perfect. Especially for the holidays.

This was on the wall directly across from me. As I sipped on their signature coffee, and read one of the most emotionally destructive plays I've ever read, I was reminded of something an old girlfriend once wrote about doing things alone. She said, "when we discover that we can have fun by ourselves, then we open up the world to who we truly are." This is a fairly radical way of thinking to me, who has felt the burning need for a life-partner since the age of 16.

To change my perspective on that point would be to fundamentally change who I am. I have already changed much of myself in the last four years - much of it for the better. But I've always needed another person's approval, or adoration. And whenever I was not in direct contact with that feeling, I felt lost; even a little robotic.

And as my food was placed in front of me by a waiter who wore the most genuine smile I've seen from a stranger, I felt part of that need inside of me lift away.

That is a veggie omelet (what a shock) with added jalapenos, home fries, and sourdough toast. I ate it methodically, like a robot, going from the home fries to the omelet, stopping halfway through the omelet to eat each piece of toast in three bites, before coming back and finishing the omelet in nice, neat little squares of bites.

Almost 10 years ago, a person entered my life in a frenzy and helped me shape the way I thought about the world. She told me that to name something is to invoke it, or attempt to control it. (I do not use her name out of respect for this) She taught me how not to make other people's experiences about yourself, and how to hold space. She taught me that it is okay to give yourself a few days a year of "oh woe is me"; but the rest of the time, you must move forward.

All of these lessons wax and wane with the movements of one's life and experience, and are highlighted by the changes we must endure. Right now, in the middle of a hard part of my life, in a strange place where I have no comfort zone and a thin base of support around me (which is growing, as it always does) those lessons echo in my head. And I am reminded that I do not need to have my worth attributed to me by another human being. Being lonely is okay. And being around people is okay. And, much like my Cafe de Olla, I prefer a 50/50 mix of each in my life.

I know this isn't as lively as I usually strive to be. Today, I am just trying to be real. And that, I believe, is the first ACTUAL step in any journey that one must take.

The price tag was a welcome surprise for this meal. $12 for the coffee and omelet. Which is good, because the journeys that I will be taking out here will be expensive. But if I can learn to truly BE myself, by myself, for myself, then I will have succeeded. Anything else after that is gravy.

...well, it's veggie gravy. I still can't digest meat.

With Phillip "Me, Myself and I" Meyer

http://www.cafedeollarestaurant.com/

Eat This Cafe - Santa Monica Blvd. (Los Angeles)

December 6th, 2015 - (Braden's Choice)

Braden had been wanting to take us to this place for a while, now. And I was thrilled when he contacted me midway through the week to suggest going to this place. You see, Braden often is not available to brunch with me on Sundays due to work. So my little heart got all excited when he mentioned that he would be there this week for brunch.

And then he backed out.

Now, I know that work often oppresses him in ways that can be described as familial. And I do not pretend to know the extent of what he has to deal with. But he got my hopes up, and then broke my brunch-heart. So, as revenge, I went to the very place that he suggested!

Eat This Cafe - The corner store of hipster brunching. You've probably never heard of it.

This week, I introduced a long-time friend from WAAAAAAAAAY back in 2008 to my brunches: Tamara Burgess. She was 17 back then. (I was 26) I can feel the hairs on my head graying as I type those words. As her and Codie chatted about things like Sponge Bob episodes, I began to realize that most all of my friends are younger than me. (That includes you, Andrew. 26 hours is 26 hours)

I appreciated the menu, as there were not a whole lot of choices to confuse me with, and the large block-lettering made it so I didn't have to use my magnifying glass to read it. I made my choice in minutes, and could then focus on more important tasks, like yelling at kids to get off my lawn, and grumbling about how hard we all had it "back in my day."

The coffee was very nice, and mellow. Four cups of it didn't make me grind my dentures, like it would normally. Tamara could probably have used a bit stronger brew, as she was into her 23rd straight hour awake, due to a Disney over-nighter. She seemed to hold up well enough, though. And when this came out, all thoughts of sleep seemed to evaporate:

Grand Mariner french toast. Couldn't really taste the Grand Mariner in it, but it did have a little kick of something else to it. Those orange slices pulled the whole experience together. Light on the syrup did the trick. It was fairly thick, but soft enough to gum a few bites without my dentures.

Codie ended up going for something different than her normal sugar-stuffed sugar blintz. She went after an omelet.

That omelet is crammed to the nines with bacon, sausage and other delicious things that I cannot have. That magnatude-8 omelet certainly gave her a run for her money - she wasn't able to finish it. Those are light butter-cream cinnamon rolls toward the bottom of the picture. her and I both had one and agreed that they were fairly disappointing. The omelet, however, was hearty. It smelled strongly of herbs. ...or was that my cologne? I don't remember.

I decided to go fancy this time. One person got french toast, and one person got an omelet. And I so rarely go after a Benedict.

That is a crab-cake Benedict on a bed of baby kale with sriracha sauce underneath, and a spicy hollandaise on top. Each bite of this iridescent dish was a five-layered flavor explosion in my mouth. I appreciated the colors in this dish, as it made it very easy to see what I was eating, and exactly where on my tie I spilled it. It's one of the most expensive things on the menu (not prohibitively so) which makes the fact that it's ala carte a little annoying at first. I quickly got over that fact, though, and by the end of the dish was wholly satisfied.

The price tag for this meal was about $18 per person. That included coffees for Tamara and I, and a cranberry juice for Codie. It was well worth it, especially in an atmosphere that is comfy and cozy. The small nature of the place made for frequent visits from wait-staff, which only is sometimes annoying. Better to have too much help than none at all, though. All in all, it was very good, Braden. Good choice. Now give me back my cane and come visit me again next week!

With Phillip "Depends" Meyer, Tamara "Sleep Dep" Burgess, and Codie "No" Beck

eatthiscafe.com

Cafe Lafayette - Main St. (Seal Beach)

November 29th, 2015 - (Phil's Choice)

My friend Brian doesn't brunch. Which is silly to me, because with how late he sleeps in, it would be the closest thing he would ever get to breakfast.

I roomed with Brian for the better part of a year, and worked with him for three years on a touring production of Disney on Ice. He's still doing the tour. ...more accurately, the tour is doing him. But for a week, he flew back home for Thanksgiving to see his family. Naturally, I took the opportunity to swoop in and take as much of his time as possible. I made him listen to me ramble, and then I had him order me a cheeseburger, animal style, with no meat at the In & Out Burger.

After a surprisingly restful eight hours of sleep on his parent's recliner, I opened up my Yelp app, and scoped out the brunch scene in Seal beach. I came to this:

Cafe Lafayette - One of thirty thousand restaurants on Main St. in Seal Beach. If you do not know where Seal Beach is, you're not alone. The entire population of Seal Beach is a little fuzzy as to where Seal Beach is.

The menu here is quite extensive for brunch, which they stop serving at 12:00pm. The coffee was good. It had a nutty flavor to it that I couldn't pinpoint. I ordered the artichoke, sun dried tomato and feta omelet. This picture does not do it justice. There was WAY more artichoke heart than egg in this omelet. Sourdough toast and fruit bowl substitution make it seem healthy, right?

Speaking of healthy, Brian has been working out out all the time, watching what he eats, and being careful about spending. He's dropped 40 pounds, or something. No lie. So, as a reward, he got the baked french toast. Sliced french bread, french toasted, and then baked along with a fruit and nut compote for 20 minutes. According to Yelp (and the woman who was sitting behind us) that dish is Cafe Lafayette's specialty. Brian can attest to it's worth, even though the bread looks like pieces that have been hacked off a gazebo, then torched.

It's nice if you're in the area. $15 for coffee and a full plate of food is always pretty good for brunch. It wasn't too busy, but that also could be because the street is filled with places to eat. If you're in Seal Beach for any reason, I would check this place out before leaving.

With Brian "I must poo-poo" Gowen, and Phillip "Phart" Meyer.

http://www.yelp.com/biz/cafe-lafayette-seal-beach

Vivian's Millenium Cafe - Ventura Blvd. (Studio City)

November 22nd, 2015 - (Phil's Choice)

I played tennis with Greg again today. It was a MASSIVE improvement. Instead of losing the one set we played 6-0, I lost it 6-3. Baby steps, right? Soon we'll get to the point where we don't have to warm up for 30 minutes to play, and I can lose a full match to him! I'm so excited!

Regular defeat at the hands of Greg Heaton can be a humbling experience. And in these truly humbling tennis times it is very nice to have supportive friends to talk to. Enter Christy Stowell and Codie Beck.

This brunch, my worlds collided in a wonderful way. Christy is an old friend from my touring days - and member of Generation Y, who went through the tech revolution with my generation. Codie is a millennial who I met when I first moved here - she loves professional wrestling and is engaged to Bill, a man who is built like a praying mantis. Both are amazing people. And neither of them commented on the fact that I had not showered for two days. (Thank you)

What better place to meet up than Vivian's Millenium Cafe?

Vivian's Millennium Cafe - Inside the building, there are six tables in a space the size of a closet. Out on the patio there are five hundred tables spanning a distance of two square kilometers.

Seating outside is mostly under a closed-top canopy, and the gathering of ferns and bushes around the area gives the patio an outdoorsy jungle feeling. Service is quick, and the coffee NEVER STOPS COMING. You can tell how good, prompt and non-intrusive the service is if you don't notice that you've had too much coffee until your hands are shaking and you are talking like the Micro Machines guy.

Christy had the veggie omelet (added cheese). There is something about eggs and vegetables that, in my opinion, is just never wrong. After the meal she commented that she "could have eaten half and been fine, but she ate the whole thing and now must be rolled out to her car." Look at that omelet! It's MASSIVE!

Codie had Vivian's 2x2x2, and her pancakes had bananas cooked into them! Hash browns or home fries come with just about everything here. You know you're getting good bang for your buck when your order takes three plates. To be fair, they could have put the hash browns on the plate with the eggs and the bacon - but three plates looks badass.
She ate about half of the pancakes, but made a good showing on the rest of it. Must have been that chocolate milk she ordered weighing the rest of it down.

I had the Crew's Scramble, but instead of turkey, I had them put spinach in it. I must confess that I am a sucker for an english muffin. Something about always having them in the morning when I was a kid, I think. But even more than the english muffin, I am a TRUE sucker for avocado. Fifteen seconds after this picture was taken, that avocado disappeared. I had NO PROBLEM finishing my plates, and could have had more. However, the portioning was quite right. And the veggies in my scramble did felt just right - not overdone, and not crunchy.

We spent three hours there talking and drinking coffee or water. At no point were we rushed, and the waitress had already split the check into our separate orders. Genius! My order, with tip, ended up being $19.00, which I would say was a real steal for the amount of food and then quality.

As my worlds melded wonderfully before my eyes - and we traded stories from the road and shows we've been in - I could not help but feel a sense of intimacy and isolation at our table. Sometimes I felt as though we were the only people on the patio, which speaks to the wonderful environment and the arrangement of space. It was also sometimes embarrassing when I blurted out something crass, then realize that two tables down the three old women having ladies' brunch had just stopped mid-bite to raise their eyebrows at me.

Studio City has some real gems in it. And those gems are very much worth the price of admission. Parking is always a nightmare, but that comes with the territory of the L.A. area. This particular gem is certainly worth a look or two. And is very much worth the 15 minute search for parking that you will need to make to be here. I know that I'll likely be going back.

From left to right: Christy "No Yoga, No Shower" Stowell,  Phillip "Two Days of Sweaty Hair" Meyer, and Codie "I Showered and You Didn't" Beck

www.eatatvivianscafe.com/

Salt's Cure - Santa Monica Blvd. (West Hollywood)

November 15th, 2015 - (Greg's Choice)

I have been reticent in my duties as weekly blogger. To solve that problem, I needed the help of a man who can both intellectually stimulate me and cut me down at the same time. A man who is fun-loving and critical all at once. A man who can laugh with both lightness AND rancor.

Meet Greg Heaton. This is a man I've known for a long time, now, from our days in Oregon so long ago. We had a brunch then tennis that day. He said he was too full after brunch, but then promptly had me for breakfast in a set of tennis to the tune of 6-0. Ouch. However, before he laid a shellacking on me the likes of which no Roman before me has felt, he was gracious enough to introduce me to this place:

Salt's Cure - The corner store of hip breakfast diners. The menu is also your table place mat. It is also about ten items long. Most of which come with some form of ham or bacon.

French press coffee always wins. It was frothy and delicious. At least, the amount that was left in it after Greg accidentally poured a quarter of it onto the table. (You can almost see the remnants of the puddle around the coffee press) The coffee here was very nice, and certainly made me feel like I was back home in Portland.

You are currently staring at the "2x2x2" - which is two eggs, two sausage patties and two strips of bacon. On yeah, they threw a biscuit on there for good measure. (The jam is amazing, by the by) Greg told me he pitied me that I could not eat the bacon, as it was thick, but crispy on the outside and lovely and fatty on the inside. Sounds like me when I was 19.

I, uncharacteristically, went for the oatcakes. Which may have contributed to my downfall in tennis afterward. (Or was it that I hadn't played for seven years prior) But the oatcakes were phenominal. That is a not a piece of cat poop on top of the oatcakes. It is a pat of brown sugar butter. Which was light and added JUST enough to the cakes to compliment them, without going way overboard. Because I need some protein I ordered a side of eggs, as well. Most everything comes ala carte on this menu, unless otherwise specified.

The total for this meal, which was well proportioned, ended up being around $20. Which, to me, was a little on the high-end. But the atmosphere is good, the food is very well done, for the amount that you get, and the service is quick and efficient. If you're going to spend a morning getting your ass handed to you in a set of tennis, this is a pretty good silver-lining to it.

With Phillip "Unforced Error" Meyer, and Gregory "Soft Serve, Dominating Stroke" Heaton

saltscure.com/

Another Broken Egg Cafe - Olive Ave. (Burbank)

November 1st, 2015 - (Phil's Pick)

This was a lazy morning. The kind of morning that doesn't start until 9:30am, and the only reason it started that early was because you said you'd be somewhere at ten. The kind of morning where you can turn to someone and say, "why yes, I AM wearing the same clothes that I wore yesterday," and then lean in and whisper, "even the undies." It was not a morning to be adventurous or creative. So, as such, I went back to a place that I have been a few times before:

Another Broken Egg Cafe - On the corner of Third and Olive. It is my old stand-by, merely because it was the first place in Burbank that I had brunch. It did not disappoint then, and it certainly didn't this morning, either.

It was a hectic morning at Another Broken Egg, as half the city of Burbank seemed to have the same idea as I did. Their wait-time was estimated at 45 minutes. They send you a text when your table is ready, though, which I thought was pretty cool. While I waited, I sat at the bar with a cup of coffee and a Cappuccino Chocolate Chip Muffin.

At the bar, people were standing and cheering at some football game on the bar television - which caused the impending end of baseball season to hang thickly over my head. As I dreaded hearing people talk about football for three more months, I sulked and read Jean Anouilh's "Ring Round the Moon", while trying to find momentary comfort in the warm, gooey muffin. The muffin tasted like a pancake in all the best ways, but could not wash away the sour taste of football season.

On a brighter note, their coffee is Stumptown coffee. It is one of my favorite coffees, and is certainly a taste of home out here in this city of fallen angels.

Today, it was just Codie and me. Ann got a gig on a television show, (YAY!) so she wasn't able to be here. (BOO!) But it's a good gig, (YAY!) and she's very happy (YAY AGAIN!) about it. In celebration of Ann's success, I had my first eggs benedict in a long time.

That is a black-bean patty benedict. The eggs were well-poached, (if there is such a thing) and the potatoes were lightly browned. The only downside to this dish was that they managed to sneak a slice of tomato under each patty. I didn't notice until after the first bite. I ended up eating the whole thing as presented - putting away my moral objections to the demonfruit.

Then Codie, true to form, went after the french toast. My pre-adolenscent self would have approved.

We had already dove in for a bite or two before I remembered to take pictures. She had made it a combo, and that means it comes with two eggs and two strips of bacon. Codie was not able to make it through all of her french toast. A classic case of eyes-larger-than-stomach. Again, my 10 year old self would have approved... and then finished the plate for her.

Another Broken Egg is four-star comfort food, in a comfortable place with comfortable people. Even the coffee mugs are comfy little clay mugs. The outside dining area is as large as the inside, and on a morning/afternoon like this one, it would have also been comfy to sit outside and bask in the cool 75 degree sun. And the sum total of the meal was a comfortable $16 per person.

They don't do any one thing AMAZINGLY. They just do everything very well. If you are in the mood to just chill with some people for an unspecific period of time, and eat well while doing so, look no further than Another Broken Egg. I certainly wasn't prepared to look too far beyond it. But after six cups of coffee in my system, I was ready to do all of my chores for the day at Warp 9.

With Phillip "The Depths of Pretension" Meyer, and Codie "Obscure Reference" Beck.

www.anotherbrokenegg.com

"The Federal Bar" - Lankershim Blvd. (North Hollywood)

October 25th, 2015 - (Ann's Pick)

The Federal - The reverse mullet of bars: All dive on the outside. All class on the inside.

For some odd reason there was a herd of middle-aged women sitting in lawn chairs on the sidewalk to the left of this picture. I do not know what they were waiting for, but the umbrellas and bags of snacks told me that they were in for the long haul. I know that this place does concerts upstairs. Perhaps they couldn't wait to get in to see "Ian Roller and Friends" perform some smooth jazz.

Before I go any further, I'm going to put something in front of you:

I'll just let that sink in...
...
...
...
...you good? Good.

SO. Parking in North Hollywood is usually a clusterfuck. But on this part of Lankershim and surrounding streets, parking is free on Sundays, and none too shabby. I found a spot right across the street from the restaurant. A mere 63 second walk away.

They only serve brunch on the weekends in this bar. I arrived at 10am (which is when they open) and was asked if I had a reservation. They were able to seat me, but put forward that around 11am, it is impossible to get a table without a reservation for their brunch. The early minion gets the banana, here.

The menu is quite abbreviated (about nine entrees, and four sides) but it all looked real good. I did not have coffee this time around. For one, they didn't have any. The other reason was that I was dedicated to trying to find the bottom of the bottomless mimosas. The mimosas were good, if a bit on the light side. Which is totally fine. The afternoon hangover can get a little rough. Especially when I have to sleep in my car for two hours while I wait to sober up and drive home.

 I had the breakfast tacos, opting for mushrooms as my "meat" of choice.

Oh yeah, I also had a bread basket. The tacos were TINY, but they had a wonderful creme-sauce on top of them that seemed to be a mushroom base. The bread basket was everything you love about grandma's kitchen. Banana-nut bread, zucchini bread, and four tiny blueberry muffins. Complete with butter and jam.

Ann opted for the polenta with chorizo and feta.

She ate it slowly, but said that it tasted wonderful; even when cold. It's a LOT of food. And, like a couple of girls I dated in my mid 20s, it looks spicier than it actually is. Still, a hearty, filling meal.

Ann's sister joined us! Her name is Libby Winkler, and she had the grilled cheese and french fries.

KIDDING! This is a breakfast sandwich with breakfast potatoes. You can see the wonderful helping of egg peeking out from the back of the sandwich. As Libby talked about how slow Ann eats, Ann professed that she didn't like sandwiches. Doesn't. Like. Sandwiches. ...you know who else didn't like sandwiches, Ann? Hitler. Hitler didn't like sandwiches. You still hate sandwiches, Ann? Hmm?

They certainly keep your mimosa intake consistent here, though. We went through two and a half of those giant carafes, between the three of us. Codie made a late appearance, and while she didn't have any mimosa, she certainly nodded in appreciation at the size of the second 2 Liter science beaker of mimosa we were chugging through.

You can analyze the atmosphere and the location all you like on this place. And you'll get a lot of good, and a few things to criticize. But the key point here is that spending fifteen bucks for the ability to get shit-house drunk at 11am is a great excuse to go out in the late morning to this place. The fact that you get fed good food while it happens, is the greatest bonus I can think of. Well done, Federal Bar. Well done.

With Phillip "Hit Twice" Meyer, Ann "Sandwich Hater" Beckette, Libby "Annsister" Winkler, and Codie "Pumped Up" Beck

www.thefederalbar.com

Steampunk Coffee Bar & Kitchen - Burbank Blvd. (Valley Village)

October 18th, 2015 - (Codie's Pick)

Ann was too tired to come out. She got blasted at a beerfest the night before. I can imagine her in bed, still fully clothed in what she went out in the night before, splayed face down on her bed like a starfish; a small puddle of drool forming on the bed under her mouth.

Well, it was supposed to be her pick today. AND SHE FAILED. YOU FAILED BRUNCH THIS WEEK, ANN. ...you know what, though? Brunch always forgives. (Especially hangovers) And this week, we had Codie pick! More accurately, she had a google search pick!

Steampunk Coffee Bar and Kitchen - Significantly more coffee bar than kitchen. And a hell of a lot more of both of those than steampunk. They have do a lot to offer in the realm of coffee, and a few things for brunch.

It is a order-at-the-bar-then-seat-yourself ordeal. However, there was a very nice woman who came up to people in line and set aside tables for them, by assigning them numbers. A good way to dissuade anyone who is willing to become a squatter for random spots. As I sat down with my William Gibson novel, I noted and enjoyed the strange artwork on the walls; such as a large watercolor of a woman in a bathtub being scrubbed with soap on her head, foot and arm by an octopus. The room was not inundated with this strange art, but lightly and gracefully speckled.

The atmosphere was very lax. The small dining area lent itself to an intimacy that worked for AND against it. The pluses were that even though the place was loud, you still didn't have to shout to be heard in conversation. The downside being that often times you were bumping hips to get to and from your spots.

I ended up having a mexican mocha while I waited. (Because I'm always early) The mocha was not too shabby, although it certainly wasn't worth $4.50. The decorative dark chocolate patterns on the top of the foam, however, were worth a bit more. A similar decoration graced the top of Codie's hot chocolate. I give an "A" for presentation on the drink. Their french press coffee was pretty nice. And not too shabby for portioning, either. One french press gets you two very concentrated cups.

I had the garden scramble. It was a very well-prepared dish, and the scrambled eggs were barely on the underdone side of perfect - like how they SHOULD do it in Europe. (As in, NOT RUNNY)

After they brought my food out, they offered me a little spicy cream sauce. I highly recommend it for the potatoes. Not that they were done poorly, but it gave a little extra something to the scramble that brought out the levels of everything.

Codie had a Belgian waffle, hot chocolate, and a glass bottle of Dr. Pepper - all with a side of insulin.

Powdered sugar, strawberries, bananas, whipped cream (from the can, like god intended), and a little chocolate sauce. She remarked that the waffle didn't need any syrup, as the flavor was lightly sweet and balanced. I don't know what Dr. Pepper does to balance out the rest of the meal, but it seemed to work for her.

Braden decided to go with the featured dish: The Stack. Were I still eating meat, I might have ordered it myself.

That, my friends, is a waffle, with chicken-fried bacon, a sunny side eggs, crispy fried chicken strips, and country potato hash. This dish takes chicken-and-waffles back to culinary school. It seemed to me that the chicken-fried bacon was the best part. Crispy and flat, (Yes, England. Because THAT IS WHAT BACON IS) but just thick enough to have a little body to it.

Overall, I would say that the brunch dishes are reasonably priced, (each platter costing anywhere from $9.00 to $13.00) it's just the coffee that's expensive. (Espresso drinks are all around $4.00, and the french press was $5.00) The coffee wasn't really good enough to justify the price point on it, but the food sure made up for the value.

One side note on the espresso drinks that may add to the value a little: After you're done with any coffee drink, you may simply go to the side of the bar, and pour yourself some free drip coffee. (From a thermos) I'm sort of glad I didn't discover that until the end, as I would have just been doing that for two hours straight, then staying up all night playing Bio Shock. Thank god I'm not doing THAT immediately after I publish this! ...*ahem*

This brunch was with Phillip "Mandarin Vodka" Meyer, Codie "Handle of Captain" Beck, Braden "Moonshine Blindness" Yandle, and Bill "Tubthumping" Neitz.

www.steampunkla.com

(There is no website associated with this domain, yet. Is this place new?! Help support your local business! Go eat there!)

Blu Jam - Melrose Ave. (Hollywood)

October 11th, 2015 - (Phil's Choice)

Blu Jam - I've been wanting to go here for quite some time. My apologies to Ann and Braden for blasting into this place without them. I just couldn't help myself. I now feel like the dog that got into the birthday cake: I'm just waiting for the owner to come home and discover what I've done. And it's not going to be pretty.

Today's brunch, I was joined by my friend Kat Covell, whom I met and worked with on the road a couple of years ago. She was celebrating a move to the Burbank area, away from Simi Valley. I was celebrating a divorce finalization. We were both starving.

The wait-time was exactly what they predicted upon arrival: 20 minutes. Very efficient at getting people in, and cleaning up the tables once they leave. During this 20 minutes outside in the blistering hot sun, Kat and I watched with growing perplexity as people continued to run and jog out on the street in an "AIDS charity walk" that had most of Melrose Ave. coned and blocked off. Neither of us questioned the motive, as the charity is a wonderful reason to get up and do anything. But to exert yourself in a difficult manner such as that when it is almost 100 degrees Fahrenheit outside made both of us sweat profusely just watching.

Shout out to the spiderman guy, who ran like a machine ahead of the whole pack. He had his earphones in, his warrior face on, and acted like his spiderman-print underarmor was keeping him at an even 68 degrees.

Once we were seated, waters and menus were immediately placed in front of us. The menu is very good here. There are choices, but not too many. The debate about French Toast versus Eggs Benedict raged with Kat, while my conundrum was whether or not to order many drinks. I wanted coffee, but I also wanted a dirty chai. I also wanted a fresh juice. They have fresh juices there for around five bucks. I do not know if they are worth it, as I have not had one, but the fact that you can get a ginger/apple/grapefruit juice if you like made my mouth water in all kinds of anticipatory ways.

The coffee was SO GOOD, and it was french press coffee. Head's up: If you don't drink A LOT of coffee, but drink a decent amount, between two people, getting a french press is a dollar cheaper and IT IS SO GOOD. Kat described it as "frothy and amazing and perfect." The coffee was pretty strong, and had some really nice boldness to the up-front taste. The aftertaste was mild and disappeared into nothing, not leaving you with that bitter "I just had coffee" taste in your mouth that comes from more acidic tones.

I ended up having the "Spicy Tex-Mex Tofu Hash", because I need to stop ordering omelets all the time, and broaden my damn horizons.

The portioning on this is actually very good. What looks like an absolute MESS of food ends up being exactly the right amount. The corn tortillas serve very well as your carbohydrate replacement for toast in a dish, and avocado is always welcome. The beans and tofu also add any protein that you might have needed from an omelet, which is a plus for me. I was hoping it would be a little spicier than it was right out of the gate, but I didn't want to ruin the VERY nice flavor with adding any hot sauce to it.

Kat ordered the "Florentine Benedict" for herself. And I was SUPER jealous of the presentation of her dish.

Mine was a mess of food which looked wonderful to eat. Hers was an artistic arrangement of food that I wanted to enter into a county fair. (My phone even thinks that her's looked better! Look how sharp the focus is on her picture!) The proportions of everything on her Benedict were phenomenally done, and the fruit on the side added that splash of color that makes any good dish look that much better. Nods of approval from her indicated a success in dining.

Other great pluses: You never have to ask for your check, and the wait staff doesn't bug you every five minutes to "see how you're doing." Helpful, but not too helpful is always a hard balance to strike. It was effortless for our waiter, who was wearing one of the nicest hats I have ever seen a hipster wear. Not once did we feel rushed, and not once did we feel intruded upon.

If there WAS a down-side, it would have to have been the fact that there were a LOT of people crammed in there. But if you are annoyed at that, then you are merely hating on success and popularity. It's easy to see why this place is so popular after what I can only say was a flawless, if slightly abbreviated, brunching experience.

This was a magical experience had by two residents of Burbank: Phillip "Lick-the-Platter-Clean" Meyer, and Kat "Pinky Always Out" Covell.

www.blujamcafe.com