"The Federal Bar" - Lankershim Blvd. (North Hollywood)

October 25th, 2015 - (Ann's Pick)

The Federal - The reverse mullet of bars: All dive on the outside. All class on the inside.

For some odd reason there was a herd of middle-aged women sitting in lawn chairs on the sidewalk to the left of this picture. I do not know what they were waiting for, but the umbrellas and bags of snacks told me that they were in for the long haul. I know that this place does concerts upstairs. Perhaps they couldn't wait to get in to see "Ian Roller and Friends" perform some smooth jazz.

Before I go any further, I'm going to put something in front of you:

I'll just let that sink in...
...
...
...
...you good? Good.

SO. Parking in North Hollywood is usually a clusterfuck. But on this part of Lankershim and surrounding streets, parking is free on Sundays, and none too shabby. I found a spot right across the street from the restaurant. A mere 63 second walk away.

They only serve brunch on the weekends in this bar. I arrived at 10am (which is when they open) and was asked if I had a reservation. They were able to seat me, but put forward that around 11am, it is impossible to get a table without a reservation for their brunch. The early minion gets the banana, here.

The menu is quite abbreviated (about nine entrees, and four sides) but it all looked real good. I did not have coffee this time around. For one, they didn't have any. The other reason was that I was dedicated to trying to find the bottom of the bottomless mimosas. The mimosas were good, if a bit on the light side. Which is totally fine. The afternoon hangover can get a little rough. Especially when I have to sleep in my car for two hours while I wait to sober up and drive home.

 I had the breakfast tacos, opting for mushrooms as my "meat" of choice.

Oh yeah, I also had a bread basket. The tacos were TINY, but they had a wonderful creme-sauce on top of them that seemed to be a mushroom base. The bread basket was everything you love about grandma's kitchen. Banana-nut bread, zucchini bread, and four tiny blueberry muffins. Complete with butter and jam.

Ann opted for the polenta with chorizo and feta.

She ate it slowly, but said that it tasted wonderful; even when cold. It's a LOT of food. And, like a couple of girls I dated in my mid 20s, it looks spicier than it actually is. Still, a hearty, filling meal.

Ann's sister joined us! Her name is Libby Winkler, and she had the grilled cheese and french fries.

KIDDING! This is a breakfast sandwich with breakfast potatoes. You can see the wonderful helping of egg peeking out from the back of the sandwich. As Libby talked about how slow Ann eats, Ann professed that she didn't like sandwiches. Doesn't. Like. Sandwiches. ...you know who else didn't like sandwiches, Ann? Hitler. Hitler didn't like sandwiches. You still hate sandwiches, Ann? Hmm?

They certainly keep your mimosa intake consistent here, though. We went through two and a half of those giant carafes, between the three of us. Codie made a late appearance, and while she didn't have any mimosa, she certainly nodded in appreciation at the size of the second 2 Liter science beaker of mimosa we were chugging through.

You can analyze the atmosphere and the location all you like on this place. And you'll get a lot of good, and a few things to criticize. But the key point here is that spending fifteen bucks for the ability to get shit-house drunk at 11am is a great excuse to go out in the late morning to this place. The fact that you get fed good food while it happens, is the greatest bonus I can think of. Well done, Federal Bar. Well done.

With Phillip "Hit Twice" Meyer, Ann "Sandwich Hater" Beckette, Libby "Annsister" Winkler, and Codie "Pumped Up" Beck

www.thefederalbar.com

Steampunk Coffee Bar & Kitchen - Burbank Blvd. (Valley Village)

October 18th, 2015 - (Codie's Pick)

Ann was too tired to come out. She got blasted at a beerfest the night before. I can imagine her in bed, still fully clothed in what she went out in the night before, splayed face down on her bed like a starfish; a small puddle of drool forming on the bed under her mouth.

Well, it was supposed to be her pick today. AND SHE FAILED. YOU FAILED BRUNCH THIS WEEK, ANN. ...you know what, though? Brunch always forgives. (Especially hangovers) And this week, we had Codie pick! More accurately, she had a google search pick!

Steampunk Coffee Bar and Kitchen - Significantly more coffee bar than kitchen. And a hell of a lot more of both of those than steampunk. They have do a lot to offer in the realm of coffee, and a few things for brunch.

It is a order-at-the-bar-then-seat-yourself ordeal. However, there was a very nice woman who came up to people in line and set aside tables for them, by assigning them numbers. A good way to dissuade anyone who is willing to become a squatter for random spots. As I sat down with my William Gibson novel, I noted and enjoyed the strange artwork on the walls; such as a large watercolor of a woman in a bathtub being scrubbed with soap on her head, foot and arm by an octopus. The room was not inundated with this strange art, but lightly and gracefully speckled.

The atmosphere was very lax. The small dining area lent itself to an intimacy that worked for AND against it. The pluses were that even though the place was loud, you still didn't have to shout to be heard in conversation. The downside being that often times you were bumping hips to get to and from your spots.

I ended up having a mexican mocha while I waited. (Because I'm always early) The mocha was not too shabby, although it certainly wasn't worth $4.50. The decorative dark chocolate patterns on the top of the foam, however, were worth a bit more. A similar decoration graced the top of Codie's hot chocolate. I give an "A" for presentation on the drink. Their french press coffee was pretty nice. And not too shabby for portioning, either. One french press gets you two very concentrated cups.

I had the garden scramble. It was a very well-prepared dish, and the scrambled eggs were barely on the underdone side of perfect - like how they SHOULD do it in Europe. (As in, NOT RUNNY)

After they brought my food out, they offered me a little spicy cream sauce. I highly recommend it for the potatoes. Not that they were done poorly, but it gave a little extra something to the scramble that brought out the levels of everything.

Codie had a Belgian waffle, hot chocolate, and a glass bottle of Dr. Pepper - all with a side of insulin.

Powdered sugar, strawberries, bananas, whipped cream (from the can, like god intended), and a little chocolate sauce. She remarked that the waffle didn't need any syrup, as the flavor was lightly sweet and balanced. I don't know what Dr. Pepper does to balance out the rest of the meal, but it seemed to work for her.

Braden decided to go with the featured dish: The Stack. Were I still eating meat, I might have ordered it myself.

That, my friends, is a waffle, with chicken-fried bacon, a sunny side eggs, crispy fried chicken strips, and country potato hash. This dish takes chicken-and-waffles back to culinary school. It seemed to me that the chicken-fried bacon was the best part. Crispy and flat, (Yes, England. Because THAT IS WHAT BACON IS) but just thick enough to have a little body to it.

Overall, I would say that the brunch dishes are reasonably priced, (each platter costing anywhere from $9.00 to $13.00) it's just the coffee that's expensive. (Espresso drinks are all around $4.00, and the french press was $5.00) The coffee wasn't really good enough to justify the price point on it, but the food sure made up for the value.

One side note on the espresso drinks that may add to the value a little: After you're done with any coffee drink, you may simply go to the side of the bar, and pour yourself some free drip coffee. (From a thermos) I'm sort of glad I didn't discover that until the end, as I would have just been doing that for two hours straight, then staying up all night playing Bio Shock. Thank god I'm not doing THAT immediately after I publish this! ...*ahem*

This brunch was with Phillip "Mandarin Vodka" Meyer, Codie "Handle of Captain" Beck, Braden "Moonshine Blindness" Yandle, and Bill "Tubthumping" Neitz.

www.steampunkla.com

(There is no website associated with this domain, yet. Is this place new?! Help support your local business! Go eat there!)

Blu Jam - Melrose Ave. (Hollywood)

October 11th, 2015 - (Phil's Choice)

Blu Jam - I've been wanting to go here for quite some time. My apologies to Ann and Braden for blasting into this place without them. I just couldn't help myself. I now feel like the dog that got into the birthday cake: I'm just waiting for the owner to come home and discover what I've done. And it's not going to be pretty.

Today's brunch, I was joined by my friend Kat Covell, whom I met and worked with on the road a couple of years ago. She was celebrating a move to the Burbank area, away from Simi Valley. I was celebrating a divorce finalization. We were both starving.

The wait-time was exactly what they predicted upon arrival: 20 minutes. Very efficient at getting people in, and cleaning up the tables once they leave. During this 20 minutes outside in the blistering hot sun, Kat and I watched with growing perplexity as people continued to run and jog out on the street in an "AIDS charity walk" that had most of Melrose Ave. coned and blocked off. Neither of us questioned the motive, as the charity is a wonderful reason to get up and do anything. But to exert yourself in a difficult manner such as that when it is almost 100 degrees Fahrenheit outside made both of us sweat profusely just watching.

Shout out to the spiderman guy, who ran like a machine ahead of the whole pack. He had his earphones in, his warrior face on, and acted like his spiderman-print underarmor was keeping him at an even 68 degrees.

Once we were seated, waters and menus were immediately placed in front of us. The menu is very good here. There are choices, but not too many. The debate about French Toast versus Eggs Benedict raged with Kat, while my conundrum was whether or not to order many drinks. I wanted coffee, but I also wanted a dirty chai. I also wanted a fresh juice. They have fresh juices there for around five bucks. I do not know if they are worth it, as I have not had one, but the fact that you can get a ginger/apple/grapefruit juice if you like made my mouth water in all kinds of anticipatory ways.

The coffee was SO GOOD, and it was french press coffee. Head's up: If you don't drink A LOT of coffee, but drink a decent amount, between two people, getting a french press is a dollar cheaper and IT IS SO GOOD. Kat described it as "frothy and amazing and perfect." The coffee was pretty strong, and had some really nice boldness to the up-front taste. The aftertaste was mild and disappeared into nothing, not leaving you with that bitter "I just had coffee" taste in your mouth that comes from more acidic tones.

I ended up having the "Spicy Tex-Mex Tofu Hash", because I need to stop ordering omelets all the time, and broaden my damn horizons.

The portioning on this is actually very good. What looks like an absolute MESS of food ends up being exactly the right amount. The corn tortillas serve very well as your carbohydrate replacement for toast in a dish, and avocado is always welcome. The beans and tofu also add any protein that you might have needed from an omelet, which is a plus for me. I was hoping it would be a little spicier than it was right out of the gate, but I didn't want to ruin the VERY nice flavor with adding any hot sauce to it.

Kat ordered the "Florentine Benedict" for herself. And I was SUPER jealous of the presentation of her dish.

Mine was a mess of food which looked wonderful to eat. Hers was an artistic arrangement of food that I wanted to enter into a county fair. (My phone even thinks that her's looked better! Look how sharp the focus is on her picture!) The proportions of everything on her Benedict were phenomenally done, and the fruit on the side added that splash of color that makes any good dish look that much better. Nods of approval from her indicated a success in dining.

Other great pluses: You never have to ask for your check, and the wait staff doesn't bug you every five minutes to "see how you're doing." Helpful, but not too helpful is always a hard balance to strike. It was effortless for our waiter, who was wearing one of the nicest hats I have ever seen a hipster wear. Not once did we feel rushed, and not once did we feel intruded upon.

If there WAS a down-side, it would have to have been the fact that there were a LOT of people crammed in there. But if you are annoyed at that, then you are merely hating on success and popularity. It's easy to see why this place is so popular after what I can only say was a flawless, if slightly abbreviated, brunching experience.

This was a magical experience had by two residents of Burbank: Phillip "Lick-the-Platter-Clean" Meyer, and Kat "Pinky Always Out" Covell.

www.blujamcafe.com

Moore's Delicatessen - Orange Grove Ave. (Burbank)

October 4th, 2015 - (Ann's Pick)

A Letter to Moore's Delicatessen:

Dear, Moore's,

Is it okay that I call you Moore's? Is that too familiar? I suppose you would be okay with it. You're a very informal place like that. A place where you order at the counter, then find your own seat, pour your own coffee and water - you're approachable, and I like that in a restaurant. You also have great character.

Literally. There are characters drawn all over you. Now, I'm not much of a tattoo fan, but I can appreciate when something is done well, and the room that we brunched in was covered in a wonderful array of sketch-like black-ink drawings of all sorts.

So, I'm sure you're wondering why this letter feels so halting. If you have all these wonderful characteristics, (and you ARE wonderful. In every way) why does it feel like I'm about to say something bad?

Well, you're right. You see, Ann, Shelly and I found ourselves zoning out a little bit over brunch. One pause led to another, and it became apparent that this brunch was just not the energetic brunch that we're used to. But it had nothing to do with you! You're great! It was really our fault. You see, Ann had her birthday party on Friday and, quite frankly, she's still recovering from it. I am recovering from that, as well as two monumentally long drives up and down the I-5 corridor. Shelly was fine, but really had nothing to work with from us two, and so she began to feel tired as well.

I just want you to know that you didn't do anything wrong, Moore's Delicatessen. (I have to call you that. It feels wrong just calling you "Moore's") In fact, when you brought out my order of the smoked salmon scramble and oatmeal, there were real sparks.

As an Oregonian, I am critical of my salmon, and your salmon was done very well. Even the egg bread toast was wonderful. Your coffee was light and bold all at once, and your oatmeal was perfect. Ann even said that her granola yogurt dish was balanced and crunchy, and that her corned beef hash scramble was done so well she might have thought that an Irishman made it for her.

Shelly didn't have a lot to say about her plate, but that was probably due to the fact that she was too busy eating it to comment on it. For a mere traditional bacon, eggs, potatoes and toast breakfast, it certainly looked and felt like more.

Like I said, there were REAL sparks. The excitement was there, it really was. You're even very affordable! It only cost me $17 for everything I had. (Endless coffee, salmon scramble, oatmeal) And you didn't do anything to ruin it.

Yeah, it might have been a tad quiet in the room, and perhaps the white walls with sketches on them wasn't the GREATEST atmosphere, but it was GOOD. I think it was just a case of bad timing. I don't want to make this awkward for us both, so I'm leaving this letter for you to tell you why we walked away like we did, but to let you know that you're worth a real look. From anyone.

And who knows? Maybe one day when the timing is right, we'll walk back in through your doors and give it another go. And I know it'll be good. Because you ARE good. You're very good. Hell, we might even become regulars, if the timing is right. You're just not what we needed right now.

Wishing you all the success in the world,

Phillip "It's not you, it's me" Meyer, Ann "We should just be friends" Beckette, and Shelly "We both deserve better" Gillette

(P.S. In all seriousness, though, this place made some really good food. You should check it out.)

http://www.mooresdeli.com/menu.html