December 12th, 2015 - (Phil's Choice)
Cafe de Olla - Cozy, calm and spicy food served by cozy, calm and mild people.
I brunched on Saturday. This coming Sunday is a work day for me. I've been thrust into the driver's seat of managing orders for an online retail company during the holidays, and we are getting slammed at work. I don't mind the overtime.
I brunched alone. Sometimes we need to brunch alone. I don't mind the brunch alone. A funny thing happens when you go to a restaurant alone: People act surprised, and have to hide mild shock. When I walked up to the hostess, for example, she looked around for the rest of my party.
Hostess: "First of your party? How many?"
Me: "Just me."
Hostess: (Puts on a fake smile) "Oh! ...just you?"
Me: (Real smile) "Yep. Just me."
Hostess: (Looks around for a moment, and spots a table for two) "You can... sit here, I suppose?" (Yes, this was said like a question)
Me: "Perfect."
Hostess: "Is that okay?"
Me: "Of course. Thank you."
Hostess: (Stops everything she's doing for a second and puts her hand on my shoulder) "If you need anything, just flag me down, okay?"
Me: (Confused smile) "Okay."
Perhaps she sensed that I was sad. I WAS reading a Sarah Kane play, so that may have trended my mood toward general desolation and despair. Perhaps she thought I was stood up. Or that I was lonely. Sure, a great many things are happening in my life, but at that moment in time, I was merely interested in having some of their coffee and an omelet. But most people would never think to go out and eat alone, or see a movie alone, or walk through an art gallery alone. Their need to contextualize my solitariness, it would seem, made it difficult for them to simply accept the fact that I made the choice to eat by myself.
However, once I ordered all pretenses of my inner turmoil evaporated from the wait-staff, and they went into serving mode. Very friendly and quick, and unobtrusive. Ready to pour a cup of their signature coffee. In Mexico, "Cafe de Olla" is a traditional way to serve coffee - slowly boiled with sugar, cinnamon and an orange peel. It was a little too sweet for me, which the wait-staff could actually see in the way that I drank it, and offered to cut the sweetness with a little regular coffee. I found that, for myself, a 50/50 mix was perfect. Especially for the holidays.
This was on the wall directly across from me. As I sipped on their signature coffee, and read one of the most emotionally destructive plays I've ever read, I was reminded of something an old girlfriend once wrote about doing things alone. She said, "when we discover that we can have fun by ourselves, then we open up the world to who we truly are." This is a fairly radical way of thinking to me, who has felt the burning need for a life-partner since the age of 16.
To change my perspective on that point would be to fundamentally change who I am. I have already changed much of myself in the last four years - much of it for the better. But I've always needed another person's approval, or adoration. And whenever I was not in direct contact with that feeling, I felt lost; even a little robotic.
And as my food was placed in front of me by a waiter who wore the most genuine smile I've seen from a stranger, I felt part of that need inside of me lift away.
That is a veggie omelet (what a shock) with added jalapenos, home fries, and sourdough toast. I ate it methodically, like a robot, going from the home fries to the omelet, stopping halfway through the omelet to eat each piece of toast in three bites, before coming back and finishing the omelet in nice, neat little squares of bites.
Almost 10 years ago, a person entered my life in a frenzy and helped me shape the way I thought about the world. She told me that to name something is to invoke it, or attempt to control it. (I do not use her name out of respect for this) She taught me how not to make other people's experiences about yourself, and how to hold space. She taught me that it is okay to give yourself a few days a year of "oh woe is me"; but the rest of the time, you must move forward.
All of these lessons wax and wane with the movements of one's life and experience, and are highlighted by the changes we must endure. Right now, in the middle of a hard part of my life, in a strange place where I have no comfort zone and a thin base of support around me (which is growing, as it always does) those lessons echo in my head. And I am reminded that I do not need to have my worth attributed to me by another human being. Being lonely is okay. And being around people is okay. And, much like my Cafe de Olla, I prefer a 50/50 mix of each in my life.
I know this isn't as lively as I usually strive to be. Today, I am just trying to be real. And that, I believe, is the first ACTUAL step in any journey that one must take.
The price tag was a welcome surprise for this meal. $12 for the coffee and omelet. Which is good, because the journeys that I will be taking out here will be expensive. But if I can learn to truly BE myself, by myself, for myself, then I will have succeeded. Anything else after that is gravy.
...well, it's veggie gravy. I still can't digest meat.
With Phillip "Me, Myself and I" Meyer
http://www.cafedeollarestaurant.com/
Cafe de Olla - Cozy, calm and spicy food served by cozy, calm and mild people.
I brunched on Saturday. This coming Sunday is a work day for me. I've been thrust into the driver's seat of managing orders for an online retail company during the holidays, and we are getting slammed at work. I don't mind the overtime.
I brunched alone. Sometimes we need to brunch alone. I don't mind the brunch alone. A funny thing happens when you go to a restaurant alone: People act surprised, and have to hide mild shock. When I walked up to the hostess, for example, she looked around for the rest of my party.
Hostess: "First of your party? How many?"
Me: "Just me."
Hostess: (Puts on a fake smile) "Oh! ...just you?"
Me: (Real smile) "Yep. Just me."
Hostess: (Looks around for a moment, and spots a table for two) "You can... sit here, I suppose?" (Yes, this was said like a question)
Me: "Perfect."
Hostess: "Is that okay?"
Me: "Of course. Thank you."
Hostess: (Stops everything she's doing for a second and puts her hand on my shoulder) "If you need anything, just flag me down, okay?"
Me: (Confused smile) "Okay."
Perhaps she sensed that I was sad. I WAS reading a Sarah Kane play, so that may have trended my mood toward general desolation and despair. Perhaps she thought I was stood up. Or that I was lonely. Sure, a great many things are happening in my life, but at that moment in time, I was merely interested in having some of their coffee and an omelet. But most people would never think to go out and eat alone, or see a movie alone, or walk through an art gallery alone. Their need to contextualize my solitariness, it would seem, made it difficult for them to simply accept the fact that I made the choice to eat by myself.
However, once I ordered all pretenses of my inner turmoil evaporated from the wait-staff, and they went into serving mode. Very friendly and quick, and unobtrusive. Ready to pour a cup of their signature coffee. In Mexico, "Cafe de Olla" is a traditional way to serve coffee - slowly boiled with sugar, cinnamon and an orange peel. It was a little too sweet for me, which the wait-staff could actually see in the way that I drank it, and offered to cut the sweetness with a little regular coffee. I found that, for myself, a 50/50 mix was perfect. Especially for the holidays.
This was on the wall directly across from me. As I sipped on their signature coffee, and read one of the most emotionally destructive plays I've ever read, I was reminded of something an old girlfriend once wrote about doing things alone. She said, "when we discover that we can have fun by ourselves, then we open up the world to who we truly are." This is a fairly radical way of thinking to me, who has felt the burning need for a life-partner since the age of 16.
To change my perspective on that point would be to fundamentally change who I am. I have already changed much of myself in the last four years - much of it for the better. But I've always needed another person's approval, or adoration. And whenever I was not in direct contact with that feeling, I felt lost; even a little robotic.
And as my food was placed in front of me by a waiter who wore the most genuine smile I've seen from a stranger, I felt part of that need inside of me lift away.
That is a veggie omelet (what a shock) with added jalapenos, home fries, and sourdough toast. I ate it methodically, like a robot, going from the home fries to the omelet, stopping halfway through the omelet to eat each piece of toast in three bites, before coming back and finishing the omelet in nice, neat little squares of bites.
Almost 10 years ago, a person entered my life in a frenzy and helped me shape the way I thought about the world. She told me that to name something is to invoke it, or attempt to control it. (I do not use her name out of respect for this) She taught me how not to make other people's experiences about yourself, and how to hold space. She taught me that it is okay to give yourself a few days a year of "oh woe is me"; but the rest of the time, you must move forward.
All of these lessons wax and wane with the movements of one's life and experience, and are highlighted by the changes we must endure. Right now, in the middle of a hard part of my life, in a strange place where I have no comfort zone and a thin base of support around me (which is growing, as it always does) those lessons echo in my head. And I am reminded that I do not need to have my worth attributed to me by another human being. Being lonely is okay. And being around people is okay. And, much like my Cafe de Olla, I prefer a 50/50 mix of each in my life.
I know this isn't as lively as I usually strive to be. Today, I am just trying to be real. And that, I believe, is the first ACTUAL step in any journey that one must take.
The price tag was a welcome surprise for this meal. $12 for the coffee and omelet. Which is good, because the journeys that I will be taking out here will be expensive. But if I can learn to truly BE myself, by myself, for myself, then I will have succeeded. Anything else after that is gravy.
...well, it's veggie gravy. I still can't digest meat.
With Phillip "Me, Myself and I" Meyer
http://www.cafedeollarestaurant.com/
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